Haridwar Through My Eyes: Part 2

The Railway Station

This one should have come long back but anyway it has come and as they say, "देर आए दुरुस्त आए"!

I do not get to enjoy a lot of vacations now, not that I am busy but the college doesn't give enough "chhutti" to go home. One exceptional vacation ended recently and I was on the railway station with my parents waiting for the train.

Even though it was late at night, the station was living in its full glory with all the hustle bustle and chatters around. I would rather say I saw aspirations and emotions roaming around in human form.

So to start with:

You enter the station and you notice every new thing that has happened with the infrastructure. And this is not because you are observant, it is simply because the station is not really big and you have been watching it since you were a kid. The book stall now has halogen lamps, the coaches now stop in front of the marked numbers, the food vendors are following proper hygiene codes.

It is all getting so advanced, so Delhi like! And we say it with pride!

For people, well the people are more or less the same. Their faces have changed but their character hasn't.

The moment you step on the first stair of the station, you know your life is going to change after that. Either you will go and make a difference somewhere or you will stay back and have a difference made in your life by the void which would be left because of the departed.

You look around and you realize that how everyone is running towards their goal, waiting patiently (not really) for the train and then hopping fast in to it to make sure that they do not miss it.

It is not just the train they have to catch. They have to make it big in a big city! And the veracity can be seen in the fact that most people are either Delhi, Mumbai or Bangalore bound. Haridwar or the likes are just too small for their dreams.

Those goodbyes said from the train, those promises to meet again, the spark of successfully completing the goal which made the people leave their homes- so many emotions just puzzle me, forcing me to leave this one on an open end too, but I will not do that.

You see, somethings do not change at all. Like our memories, our little heart which still gets super elated when we come back to our small town. The air that blows across your face just when you enter the city limits, a smile comes out of nowhere and you know you are back home!

And among the things that have remained constant all through these ages is the old weighing machine still standing tall on the station.

You know what, one day when we will become old, we will become like the old weighing machine on the station which has become old and rickety and stopped functioning too yet is made to stand there, for it has seen the ages pass and in it stands the memories we had.
Just standing and observing and smiling at what has happened and waiting for when its existence will be ultimately removed!

Close your eyes and realize!

Haridwar: Through My Eyes- Part 1

The Sabzee Mandi

You have to be lucky to be born in a small town is what I feel as I stand in the sabzee mandi, holding two bags of vegetables with hot and crisp jalebis and pakoras being fried right in front of me.

Fully acknowledging my exponentially increasing weight, I still go ahead imagining the magic these out of the world, high on fat items will spell in my digestive system.
As if this wasn’t enough that the sudden expression of a lady got my attention. She was bargaining with a small time retailer over an item she wanted to buy. I cannot say that I did not overhear the conversation because I did and as I write this, it is playing in my mind all over again. From there, I somehow lost myself to the numerous human emotions I had around.

Sabzee Mandi, believe me it is the best place you could ever be in if you want to know what humans are. It is a mini outing for many, the happiness of that one gola a father buys for his child, the colorful bangles the girl is happy to even see, that achievement of getting a rupee off.

The chaat-pakori treats, the happiness that is all around. For once, there is no divide of rich and poor, of Brahmin or Kshatriya or any other caste for that matter. For once we all stand together.

The numerous vendors shouting out loud, some just sitting like that; no marketing strategies nothing and yet they make it good. Sometimes for some people it is not a good day but do they end it in a state of despair; I do not think so! The hope in the eyes is what captivates me!

Then occasionally the stray cows and bulls come and the way people run, well it is some kind of a show for those who are just watching.

I sometimes wonder how people can be so hopeful, with so little at their disposal they are still making the most of it and here we cry about the petty things we do not have!

Anyway, with so many emotions around, so many images to capture; as I write this I smile. Knowing it well that I have failed miserably at capturing the emotions, maybe some photographer could have done that better.

Or maybe we all could just close our eyes and feel the same, paint our own pictures, just the way we want them to be!

Emotions! Though art inexplicable!

The Discrete Life of I

A lot many things go in your mind at this stage, when you are an Indian girl of age 25+, your friends are getting married, some are doing really well in their career and you are still studying, struggling to find answers to many things that keep pecking your mind. You know not where to find the answers but you still hope that might be you will unravel the mystery some day.

Just trying to paint a picture of this randomness of thoughts here! Loosely held pieces of stories not related to each other in any way and yet questioning the very subtlety of mind and existence.

1.      Choices, so many of them at almost all the points and every single time you have to choose; as if the concept of middle path never existed. I seriously cannot understand why can there not be an option which satisfies both. Why are the choices always conflicting? Why is there no harmony in the things we want? Why is it always give and take?

2.      Marriage, a great relation to be in for all those who are about to get married, but for some it is an obstacle. What is so special about a marriage that people see it as an ultimate destination, the culmination of love life is in “getting married”? What is it that makes people want to marry, societal pressure, license to get physical in a country like India or an investment for the old age when none wants to be left alone?

3.      Career, defined by money mostly and money again for the remaining share. Going for good degrees, good colleges is only to get a good placement and such is the prevalence of this fact that whenever someone says that they are there for education, it sounds like a joke. A blot on the face of knowledge the humanity has gained over time, education comes at a very expensive price. The rule is simple, the more you give, the more you earn later (Generally for the earning part). It is after all the most profitable business, one time investment and life time earnings.

4.      People, who on earth are they to pass judgments and decide my life for me; well actually they are the people, the majority, the ones are loved ones get affected by. My remaining aloof doesn’t immunize me against their will. As they say, you are free to make your choices but you are not free from the consequences there of. And again, am I falling back on getting a chance at judging anyone? Well, for others I am also the “people”.

5.      Love, well I should not say anything about it because I do not understand it and neither do I have the will to. The last I checked, I had better things to think about and pass my time than to think about this one term that is making people go mad by saying I Love You to one person once and the other some other time. So, I decide not to think on it any further and enjoy my “love life” as it comes!

6.      Books, maybe here is where I find solace. The world is a fiction here but at least it is not affecting me. I smile, I cry, I laugh and I feel bad but then it all ends with the last page. I wish my life was a book where every chapter would have ended and then the book itself would have ended on a positive note.

7.      Abilities, well how much able I am and how much do others rate me. There are people boasting about their supreme abilities in things, well I certainly haven’t given a thought about how much I can accomplish. I leave it to the time when it comes but do their ratings not affect me; I cannot say No with certainty.

8.      I have had this amazingly odd habit of not being able to sit idle. Somehow, every time I do, I feel as if the world around has started closing on me, as if all that is bad will happen soon and I will not be able to do anything. All the negativity around seems to engulf me in its heat and I burn, every part of mine melting away and there I stand helplessly, watching myself unable to help.

9.      Sometimes, I really don’t want to get up; keep sleeping till the other day comes and maybe I get up as a transformed person. The day has its uncertainties which do not interest me at all. All I want to do is to sit back and act lazy; I feel like keeping gazing at the wall, the fan that constantly moves, the birds outside and think how life would have been had I been them.

Life is really confusing sometimes. One moment you want this, the other you want something entirely different. You keep swinging between these extremes but maybe this is what it makes it so beautiful. The UNCERTAINITY of YOUR WANTS!!

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Sometimes things are oddly awkward, yes I used both of those terms to emphasize the level of weirdness of the situation.
Suddenly you begin to see that the world around is full of happy people, some are getting married, some are having their birthdays, some are enjoying at home and others are just busy caressing their egos to satisfy their level of self importance.
In short, all of them are happy.

You look at them and you realize that you cannot even smile; why? Well, because you are facing a turmoil, your brain is not at rest (thankfully so else you would be dead) and your heart, now this fellow is sitting blank.

The smile does not come out even when you force yourself. You want to cry, but where are the tears; you want to be alone, but then you need someone by your side too.
You want to be happy but the sadness inside roars harder to make you realize that this is not it, the things are going to get worse.
The breath of fresh air is not fresh anymore, you want to sleep but where is the sleep.


In such a time of inner upheaval, take a deep breath and let it out. Write down what you feel on a paper and read it again, again and yet again till you realize that the sentences you just wrote down ended in a full stop. Your problems will end too.

These are mood swings and you will be fine soon. The best part, these mood swings offer the best chance to showcase your creativity because your brain is most stimulated at such peak times. So, Go ahead and enjoy, you are still better than many !!

Perhaps: The Poem

Perhaps, confusion is not the best thing to be in,
Perhaps, a bit of clarity would do!!
Perhaps, hurting you is not my option,
Perhaps, I need to hurt you!!
Perhaps, life is still so simple,
Perhaps, I am losing the sight!!
Perhaps, it is very complex,
Perhaps, I am fighting with all my might!!
Perhaps, you would understand me,
Perhaps, you would still love!!
Perhaps, you might hate me,
Perhaps, you would call it done!!

Perhaps, it's all about me, Perhaps, it's all about us!
Perhaps, our love is still standing strong, Perhaps my loneliness is the crux !!