A lot many things
go in your mind at this stage, when you are an Indian girl of age 25+, your
friends are getting married, some are doing really well in their career and you
are still studying, struggling to find answers to many things that keep pecking
your mind. You know not where to find the answers but you still hope that might
be you will unravel the mystery some day.
Just
trying to paint a picture of this randomness of thoughts here! Loosely held
pieces of stories not related to each other in any way and yet questioning the
very subtlety of mind and existence.
1.
Choices,
so many of them at almost all the points and every single time you have to
choose; as if the concept of middle path never existed. I seriously cannot
understand why can there not be an option which satisfies both. Why are the
choices always conflicting? Why is there no harmony in the things we want? Why
is it always give and take?
2.
Marriage,
a great relation to be in for all those who are about to get married, but for
some it is an obstacle. What is so special about a marriage that people see it
as an ultimate destination, the culmination of love life is in “getting
married”? What is it that makes people want to marry, societal pressure,
license to get physical in a country like India or an investment for the old
age when none wants to be left alone?
3.
Career,
defined by money mostly and money again for the remaining share. Going for good
degrees, good colleges is only to get a good placement and such is the
prevalence of this fact that whenever someone says that they are there for
education, it sounds like a joke. A blot on the face of knowledge the humanity
has gained over time, education comes at a very expensive price. The rule is
simple, the more you give, the more you earn later (Generally for the earning
part). It is after all the most profitable business, one time investment and
life time earnings.
4.
People,
who on earth are they to pass judgments and decide my life for me; well
actually they are the people, the majority, the ones are loved ones get
affected by. My remaining aloof doesn’t immunize me against their will. As they
say, you are free to make your choices but you are not free from the
consequences there of. And again, am I falling back on getting a chance at
judging anyone? Well, for others I am also the “people”.
5.
Love,
well I should not say anything about it because I do not understand it and neither
do I have the will to. The last I checked, I had better things to think about
and pass my time than to think about this one term that is making people go mad
by saying I Love You to one person once and the other some other time. So, I
decide not to think on it any further and enjoy my “love life” as it comes!
6.
Books,
maybe here is where I find solace. The world is a fiction here but at least it
is not affecting me. I smile, I cry, I laugh and I feel bad but then it all
ends with the last page. I wish my life was a book where every chapter would
have ended and then the book itself would have ended on a positive note.
7.
Abilities,
well
how much able I am and how much do others rate me. There are people boasting
about their supreme abilities in things, well I certainly haven’t given a
thought about how much I can accomplish. I leave it to the time when it comes
but do their ratings not affect me; I cannot say No with certainty.
8.
I have had this amazingly odd habit of
not being able to sit idle. Somehow, every time I do, I feel as if the world
around has started closing on me, as if all that is bad will happen soon and I
will not be able to do anything. All the negativity around seems to engulf me
in its heat and I burn, every part of mine melting away and there I stand
helplessly, watching myself unable to help.
9.
Sometimes, I really don’t want to get
up; keep sleeping till the other day comes and maybe I get up as a transformed
person. The day has its uncertainties which do not interest me at all. All I
want to do is to sit back and act lazy; I feel like keeping gazing at the wall,
the fan that constantly moves, the birds outside and think how life would have
been had I been them.
Life
is really confusing sometimes. One moment you want this, the other you want
something entirely different. You keep swinging between these extremes but
maybe this is what it makes it so beautiful. The UNCERTAINITY of YOUR WANTS!!
